This is my word to describe my first year with Dylan. I think I say this almost all posts, but how time flies so fast!? As if it’s almost falling again, isn’t it easy in the winter? And how is my daughter alone?!
I didn’t think I fully understood motherhood while I was steeped in it. And to be completely honest, I’m still unbeliever that I’m a mother. But at the same time, I don’t remember my life in front of her.
What is it about the first year that makes it so memorable and a feat so emotional when you do it 365 days? These are sleepless nights you maybe a lot? You feel you need a trophy to get through this – all with the look that you are up to date and awake! When in fact you just need to take a nap. Is it the accumulation of everything you’ve learned? I think I googled or read almost all the little things that happen, because I had no idea what was going on. Now I feel like an expert in this field. Ezcema came out, obstructed duct, spitting, hives, hiccups, ear infections… Yes, it was completely there!!
Or, I think it’s because every month was a milestone. The first time they smile, then they laugh, then they roll and then they sit down, then they stand up, the first food… These are all emotional rollercoasters. My husband and I applaued and smiled, like all milestones, but then, deep in my mind, I was a little sad because the days of childhood were so fleeting. They won’t be so small anymore. Internships–though it seems long in the middle of the night–so short, and they’re gone before you go around to print your son’s pictures! Before I know it, I have a little girl standing next to my leg, pulling my skirt.
There are so many highs in the first year. But that’s not without minimums or moments of doubt. And for every new mother I speak to, who fights in these early days, I turned my back on my first nights with Dylan. I remember holding her and walking around her room, packing her into bed for what was practically all night in those first weeks of her life. I remember thinking to myself “well, that’s how my life is going to be now.” And “That’s why they say parents don’t sleep in the first year.” But, you know what? She’s getting better. It’s. Gets better these sleepless nights aren’t forever. Children start to sleep longer, parents find their rhythm. And before you know it, you’re celebrating your first birthday. And suddenly these difficult moments are with you, now it doesn’t look that bad. Maybe it’s because you just remember the important things. You just remember how good everything was. Because it was so good.
And Best of all? Every father has his own story. Each of our little ones is different. Fighting a single parent or an obstacle is not another parent. One of the parents probably reads this, and his son slept through the night from the first day, but their obstacle was something else. Or maybe it was something so hard that a sleepless night is nothing compared to their obstacle. And that’s an important thing I had to learn. That we can’t compare ourselves, because we’re all different. But that’s what makes each one so special! We all have our own history, but we still have a connection. We’re all here to support each other’s journey.
Okay, now on the cake…